I should totally be covering my face in shame with how I disappeared. Life happened and it was totally unplanned, I apologize for practically ghosting. So here is a free pass to where my life is at right now, keep reading.
My blog has always been a diary of some sort, which is why despite having some hosting issues that took the media on some old posts away, I have been unable to delete those posts. I love going back to read old posts, it helps me acknowledge my growth in better ways. A lot of things have changed since my last post and even now that I think of it, they were already changing while I was managing to put up an act that things were going well. In reality, I was restless. With my career, relationship and just life in general. So I did what my mum always taught me to do- pray. I prayed for clarity, guidance and just a sign that will push me to the next phase in my life. That was all I wanted. And I got it, I think.
I have taken three different 5 minute breaks while writing this because my feelings are overwhelming. And maybe I will never post this, or maybe I will. This space always makes me feel vulnerable and it would not be so hard if I was anonymous but then I remember there is a reason I started blogging and my heart being out there doesn’t mean I’m weak. I’m just human.
Let’s Play Catch Up
Since the last time I was here, I have moved back home, got a small physical space for my online thrift store, gone full-time content creator who still has the occasional craving for a steady monthly income and panic-applies for jobs that I know will not be fulfilling. Then I intentionally flunk some of the interviews. Who am I kidding? Working for someone in a structured environment just isn’t my thing but the reality of living in Nigeria with an unpredictable government us scary enough to give up comfort for survival.
Moving back home was a necessity after my relationship ended and I just needed my mom to be honest. Now, I rarely spend so much time at home because anyone who’s ever been in this situation knows the level of see-finish that occurs when you stay at home for too long. Also, I mostly have work in town and cabs are not cheap. Due to the condition of my back, public transportation can be painful so I try to avoid it which means Uber & co are constantly finishing my money. I’m a struggling hustler, money no too dey for all that. So sometimes, I hole up at a friend’s place till I’m done with whatever I need to do then I run back home to hide. Life is honestly so peaceful away from the Lagos wahala & my parents most times just leave me to do my thing. Except when they want me to cook & we have the legendary Oguntuase stubborn face-off. Luckily, I mostly win- 2 Lions no fit born goat.
Weirdly, since I lost my Instagram account and started a new one, I have gotten more paid work as a content creator. Which cemented the fact that God really just wanted me to start over. This year has been a turning point in all areas of my life. I read somewhere that the moment you decide to stop letting the past choke you, your future becomes clearer. That is exactly how I have felt in the last 8 months. I still look back a little because I need to remind myself not to ever be in that situation going forward but I am still thankful for the experience. I haven’t seen the point of life putting me through that yet, maybe I will, maybe I won’t but my life is taking a good shape and I am fully ready to accept the good things that come with this new phase.
It feel like I am talking plainly yet a bit mysterious but again, I just needed to clear my head, this post wasn’t planned. I am just sitting here, staring out the window every 60 seconds, letting my fingers move over the keyboard and pouring the words out as they come. I will have to go back to work soon, something I haven’t still been able to fully commit to but I will get there.
I also need to mention how important it is to have people who believe in your strength even when you feel so weak. People who constantly root for you even when you have no motivation. People whose spaces will always be safe for you even when life seems to be testing you. My friends have been a rock and I am forever grateful that this is one thing I have gotten right in my life.
Till next time my Loves.
Love and Kisses, Wumi
P.S- I will not proof read this so I don’t feel the need to edit. If it feels disjointed it’s because that is truly how I felt while writing.
P.PS- This post should have been up 6 months ago, I never found the courage to open my blog but that changed today, so I made a few edits in the timeline.
Merry Christmas in advance Loves!