The thing about having goals, dreams and aspirations in life is that
sometimes most times, we are never ready for real life struggles, if you do not have absolute confidence and faith in your own abilities, the strong winds of life can blow all that you have planned, down the drain.
I have battled with achieving goals and pursuing my dreams for as long as I can remember. So many reasons why but pleasing my parents comes to mind first. Being the only child, there is a limit to how rebellious I can get and trust me I have pushed the buttons as far as I can, these days, my more human part dominates as I envision myself in their shoes. All they want is to give their only child the life she deserves and in doing so, they might not realize that their wants started to supersede my needs or that their little baby is becoming a woman. I am albeit, thankful that I am close to them and can relate with them on a level other children might not be able to with their parents, honestly, my parents are my “gees” and when in a good mood, I can almost get anything I want from them, I have since learnt how to influence their moods to suit what & when I want. Fierce yes, but that is the way I can remain sane in an African home.
I remember sharing on the blog at a time how I have always dreamed of becoming an actor aside from being a successful journalist, although while in school, I used to be involved in the school dramas and play presentations and it was quite obvious I had the talent. My father, however, felt acting was for promiscuous women who would not find decent men to marry them, that was until one of my best friends started her career as an actor, my father being more like a father to her also, has been supporting her ever since (even when he watched a movie where she kissed someone) and I started to think maybe venturing into that line once again might not be that much of a big deal to him anymore. I would update you on his reaction when I finally find someone to give me a chance at private auditioning because I really hate the public ones. Spoilt yes, but that is the way I am built.
I have been stuck in a day job that I tolerate but do not find challenging for some years now and even though I keep applying for media jobs in order to pursue that part of my dream, none has been forth-coming, scratch that, no genuine one has been. Even though I know half of what goes on in the media is “eye service” and rumor has it that if you want to make it in that field, you have to play the game alongside the pros, it doesn’t mean I should settle for the disputable ones where I literally have to suck up to every “celebrity” and not have a stand of my own. I am still of the opinion that there are badass people in the industry who honestly just do the jobs they are excellently good at and damn what rules have been set around them. Till I meet one of these people who I need to prove my worth to (even if it is one person in the whole outfit), I shall be praying steadily and searching vigorously. Realistic yet Optimistic yes, but that is the only way I know how to be.
Growing this blog has become quite tasking as all my months of inconsistency have reflected negatively on my statistics (even though I rarely check) and engagement with readers (where are you guys?). Candidly, merging an 8-5 job (in which I have to travel between two states everyday), managing an online store, striving for consistency on the blog & trying to build a side career in styling, is not in any way a walk in the park but I am aware there are many of us going through the same thing. Which is why amidst all the smiles, I am even more prepared to pull through, keep the faith and not let anyone put me down by saying, I’m a woman so I don’t have to struggle to this extent because all I need to do is get myself a wealthy man. Aspiring Superwoman yes, because that’s the level of Feminism I’m trying to reach.
This is a new series I’m starting on the blog to give you all insights into what goes on in my head and I would keep it as candid as possibly because I’d also like to know if any of you can relate or what advice you can give, I hope you enjoy it and please drop your comments
LoveandKisses from TANG
“Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good”- Romans 12:9