I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want meOprah Winfrey

That is the feeling I have decided to go with in this Life, honestly one simply cannot go on extending everything and getting nothing in return, so yeah, I don’t want you if you don’t want me. Lol. Now to the real post, it’s not about me, it’s about you.

Rejection hurts, a whole lot and no matter how strong you are, it creeps into the very essence of your heart and really inflicts the pain you’re hiding from.

You start to find faults in yourself and sending your self-esteem further down that hole. Questions like; is there something wrong with me? Do I have a ‘hurt me’ sign on my forehead? Am I too nice?, start to come up.

You could be right and then you could be very wrong too.

In all honesty, some of us ask for rejection like a drug, we feed off it. What do I mean? Some of these situations are clean clear but we refuse to accept it; You know when someone is not feeling you, when someone does not want you but you still hang in there with that ‘maybe’ thought, you hunger for acceptance so bad you delude yourself into thinking you can influence someone’s love just by giving all you have… Total Recipe for Disaster.

Oh I know all about ‘wanting what you can’t have making the challenge better’ but I repeat, it’s still a recipe for disaster.

You can go all out for someone and they would still reject you but blaming yourself would only deepen the pain. You might just have the right amount of niceness in you but it won’t stop people from rejecting you.

What to do? I don’t know but I could tell you what I think works. Firstly, bear in mind that you are good enough. You are enough. You don’t need to rearrange the very essence of your life because someone cannot deal with your negative sides, instead focus on channeling the rejection into positivity. You alone would know if whoever rejected you as a point as to why they can’t be with you and if it is indeed that bad then you know you have to adjust yourself in that area but never alter your true self because of someone.

Yes you can be a better you but be able to look at yourself in the mirror and recognize the person you see.

People come and go, as cliche as that sounds, it’s also the gospel truth. Another cliche yet true statement is that if they belong to you, there will always be a way to overcome these things so if they leave you, it’s probably because of them and not you.

Rejection comes with a lot of psychological effects and anger is usually a coping mechanism some of us resort to, I can tell you that it is highly ineffective.

What I think works?

*You can start off by reminding yourself ‘this too shall pass’ make it a mantra if you want to.

*Try to involve yourself in a lot if activities that won’t give you too much time to think so you wouldn’t sink into depression.

*Even though the temptation is so strong to find faults in yourself, refrain from it, pamper yourself if you have to (go to the spa, beach, hang out with friends that make you happy). Do things that make you appreciate yourself more.

*Do not bottle up your feelings. If you have a close friend or family member you can confide in, do so. Bottling them up is just like you’re procrastinating the eventual blow-up, this can happen anywhere and you don’t want to embarrass yourself.

*If you believe in the higher authority up there, you can find solace in Him. Even the Bible itself says in Psalm 34 that ‘The Lord is near to the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit’

*Finally, don’t think a new relationship always heals the pain. You might be setting yourself up for another fall and you won’t also be fair to the other person, you want a rebound, don’t lead anybody on.

The most important thing is knowing that time indeed heals so just give it time. Your own person would eventually come and you would start wondering why you were in such a hurry.

I am not an expert but I hope you would find something inspiring from what little me has to say about rejection. Really, Life would go on, with or without you, so make your life count.

***Cover picture by Girly_M

LoveandKisses from TANG.

0 thoughts on “Recipe for Disaster 

  1. *Applause*
    Well said. The thing about we human beings is that we like the thrill of surprises, we like to hope that someday, he’ll change and love you, but usually, that stuff ain’t gonna happen. Reality is a hard pill to swallow. Self love is a good way to handle rejection. It’s not usually your fault, maybe the other person didn’t just understand you well enough.

    Second time visiting your blog. You owe me one! 🙂 http://www.reflexionswithtobi.wordpress.com

  2. Lovely piece…….Truth is a bitter bill.We all need to honest with self before others and as a friend will say “what you don’t deal with today, will deal with you tomorrow “

  3. Rejection sucks!!! It hurts like hell and then when one keeps trying and trying cos he/she feels the other will come around or have some epiphany and realise love has been right infront of them all this while, the person gets drained in the process. Trust me ive been there. For some, anger sets in as a coping mechanism like youve said, but that only sucks out all the joy in you and then you sheild yourself so badly from trying again…

    Love is too much of a beautiful thing and shouldnt hurt, so if ure with someone who doesnt love you right back the way he/she should then pls, stop with the “if I keep trying it will get better perhaps” syndrome and save yourself the hurt.

    Epiphany29.com

  4. well said wunmi,u jus hit the nail on the head..I know how it feels to be rejected especially wen wt u feel fr the persn is real..it cn be really frustrating and suicidal..thanks for this piece..you can never go wrong loving your own self..♥♥ I read ur blog a lot bt I had to comment on this one♥♥☆★

  5. I luv ds write up boo😍 When u luv urself so much, d self esteem will be dere wen ur rejected. Bt 2 me I expect NOTHING from people so wen dey fuck up or sumfn I wont be heartbroken 2 much. Above all, luv urself so much dt Nobody feels d need 2 reject u instead dey feel its a loss to dem wen dey reject u. May God help us all 😇

  6. I used to think its just me who sits and questions my self esteem everytime,asking my chi if they gave me bad blood of negativity until I learnt to see myself as party jollof rice.
    Beautiful piece!

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